Silently Yours

Every time you say you find my mails good...I reread my mails just to know what I wrote. I am clueless still? I wonder what made it so good. But to be truthful I do not try to find out the reason. As to all the mails, when I start writing them I have nothing in my mind. I stare at the computer screen and with my eyes open, think what you must be doing now. I have no idea of what I see to be true or not. What I know is I like to see them.

You see the distance between you and me are not in miles, but in days and night. I had problems in accepting the fact earlier but now I have accepted this fact to an extent. In the darkness of night when you feel the breeze it is the warm winds I feel here...I am not sure that the sun which shines here is the one shining there too though cosmology says it is the same. I just feel tough to believe it.

I walk back home and mindlessly heap the mobile on the piles of clothes on my bed. I know there won’t be any messages or call of yours. I then look out of the window and see it is dark out here, it must me dark out there too...but still both the darkness have different definitions; you will call it dawn I shall call it evening. So different I feel.

Sometimes at night, I sit on the chair and suddenly wake up...no I was not sleeping, I was not thinking either...I just flip-flopped from the phase of "existence" to "living".

I do not even wander in my heart or trod in my mind to find out why is it all happening. It is badinage to me.

It is not that I do not matter to myself; I do. I spend some time as usual in front of mirror looking at myself and putting my collar straight..."I look good" I say to myself and saying that I go to sleep. I love that time...being so unconscious. I don’t dream about you, I dream nothing, that time I sleep, quite satisfied by my looks. Then suddenly I remember the calendar on my table...one more day I strike it off. I close my eyes then, finally. And then a thought flies in my mind...that one day I will sleep and then get up and find you too, having the same day , the one I have and the sun that shines is the same for both of us. I shall splash the water on my face, this time with a smile, “yes I look good" I say it to myself and out of the door I see, I know, you are back...

Silently yours