Missing a Coach

"Missing A coach"

I am not fascinated by this status line but it has been lingering since many days now. I am getting nothing new to write there or may be nothing new that would successfully replace it. Right now I have left all the attempts to withdraw it forcefully and quite satisfied by my decision.

I remember a person with whom I don't remember when I met him first, and he said something that hit me so much on the face that whenever I am in trouble I ask that to myself and surprisingly till date it had never disappointed me to look at things clearly - He said - "Ask yourself if you are RUTHLESSLY honest to yourself while taking any decision or action".

Before I go ahead I would tell, it is bit scary to ask this all the time as personally speaking the answer to that question is so revealing that I at times would like to skip it.

It starts right form getting up in the morning when I bash my alarm to silent and give up to my darling mattress for an extra five minutes sleep. I tell myself how much I have slogged at the night and I deserve that extra minute. My mind is so conditioned now that it springs up with that same "ruthless" question and I leave it unanswered. I know if I answer it I may not be able to be lazy which seems to be my birth right at that moment. I even have had days when I chose to answer it and I know how tough it gets to cheat oneself.

Right now the matter is different. The choice has been taken and the road is being walked. I know I am truly ruthless to myself but the question is till how long. It is not the laziness that bothers me but the consistency of the activeness that I possess. I have no clue how long I can be enthusiastic as it is no more about the road less traveled but the length of the journey that scares me. The extent to which I need to go to find a milestone that can tell me that I can continue my journey on the same path. It is not the emptiness of the road that is disheartening but the crowd there.

Motivation to me is outdated; passion is too much fantasized and being different is blatantly artificial. What matters to me right now that I can believe what I believe in long enough, so that I can derive a meaning out of it. That meaning is worth while to strive the journey that I have put myself into. In fact I need my coach to give me a question. This time I am not looking out for an answer, just a relief that he is watching me.

Dedicated to my Dad -

The bitter sip of coffee

The coffee today is bitter. I usually mix some sugar when that happens but I do not feel like doing it right now. Just thinking how tough it is to accept the fact that it is different.

Outside my room I meet a world where there is a race of people who believe being different is the key; I too belong to that race. I compete with myself to stand out of the crowd day in and day out; it is a kind of motivation. Being different rules so vehemently that I follow it blindly. And now when I open my eyes and look at the entire tribe then I find I am in a crowd of differently-ordinary people.

It seemed like a long time when I was listening to someone and could relate it so well. I could relate to the words the feelings and the expressions. I have surely had them once; if not exactly then astonishingly similar. I was listening to an ordinary person who without actually speaking asked me - "If being an ordinary is about being oneself, is it bad?"
"Definitely not" - I would have answered it if I was to but that question was never asked.
After the conversation there was an emptiness in my mind. Somewhere I felt I have been suppressing the part of myself which is naturally different and enforcing the difference that the world ought to see. How could I miss seeing that.

Well I did not realize that I finished my coffee. Oh wait there is a single sip left.......

but why it does not seem to be bitter anymore?


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